voluntary regression: day 1
I figured I'd be kind and start this whole 'saying no' thing on a short week. (It's perfectly logical - shut it.) Anyhow. I said no to someone this morning already, and I feel like crap. This is the conversation in my head over it:
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "You can fit her in - it's just one client..."
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "Yeah, and one client ends up being five, then you're kicking yourself because you can't go to the park with the kids and the dishes aren't washed since you have too many client albums to finish."
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "But you left your schedule open in June, what's the big deal?"
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "The big deal is, you left it open because it's wedding season - how do you expect to process weddings AND family sessions on time?"
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "I know, but she seems like a nice lady."
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "Your kids are nice, too, and they will grow old without you, and remember you as the Mom who spent her entire life at the computer looking at pictures of nice people's kids."
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "Nice - countering guilt with a guilt trip AND sarcasm..."
Honestly, I know my limits. The boundaries are drawn in the sand, and even when they get a little muddled, I know more or less where theye are. I also know it's not other people who don't respect my boundaries. It's me who doesn't respect my boundaries, who somehow feels like I will be viewed as an unkind person, a bad friend, and inflexible businessperson if I don't make sure I can be all things to everyone. I've taught people to expect me to come through. "What's the harm in taking on one more task..." Because I still need to spend time with my family, I do late late nights and often pull all-nighters. And when late nights and all-nighters aren't enough, I ignore my own family. And that is NEVER a good thing.
At the end of the day I've come to the conclusion that WONDERWOMAN is deluded, and needs a good dose of humility. I've bound and gagged WONDERWOMAN and she's spending some quality time with the skeletons and mothballs in my closet. If you happen to hear her struggling to get out, you have my permission to slap her.
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "You can fit her in - it's just one client..."
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "Yeah, and one client ends up being five, then you're kicking yourself because you can't go to the park with the kids and the dishes aren't washed since you have too many client albums to finish."
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "But you left your schedule open in June, what's the big deal?"
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "The big deal is, you left it open because it's wedding season - how do you expect to process weddings AND family sessions on time?"
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "I know, but she seems like a nice lady."
Self-assertive says-NO Hope: "Your kids are nice, too, and they will grow old without you, and remember you as the Mom who spent her entire life at the computer looking at pictures of nice people's kids."
Guilty and accomodating Hope: "Nice - countering guilt with a guilt trip AND sarcasm..."
Honestly, I know my limits. The boundaries are drawn in the sand, and even when they get a little muddled, I know more or less where theye are. I also know it's not other people who don't respect my boundaries. It's me who doesn't respect my boundaries, who somehow feels like I will be viewed as an unkind person, a bad friend, and inflexible businessperson if I don't make sure I can be all things to everyone. I've taught people to expect me to come through. "What's the harm in taking on one more task..." Because I still need to spend time with my family, I do late late nights and often pull all-nighters. And when late nights and all-nighters aren't enough, I ignore my own family. And that is NEVER a good thing.
At the end of the day I've come to the conclusion that WONDERWOMAN is deluded, and needs a good dose of humility. I've bound and gagged WONDERWOMAN and she's spending some quality time with the skeletons and mothballs in my closet. If you happen to hear her struggling to get out, you have my permission to slap her.
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