ting tang clutter whiz bang

I had my first meeting with the headshrinker. I introduced myself as WONDERWOMAN. I'm not completely convinced we're a good match, her and I - I tend to respond best to type A personalities who make me immediately hate them and want to recover as fast as possible to avoid having to go to them anymore, and this lady met me wearing comfy leather clogs and some sort of flowy batik-print shirt...

We had a nice chat, and she didn't push all my buttons, and I didn't leave the session feeling drained. This gentle approach is a bit foreign to me. WONDERWOMAN likes it rough. Nonetheless, something of huge importance *did* come to light during the session, something I needed to discuss with my husband rather urgently. Therapy is funny that way - your conversation meanders about and as it does, you get stuck on something. A good therapist recognizes a squeak in your voice or a hint of irritation and goes for the heart, asking you leading questions until a) they are sure it's not really an issue and move on, or b) it's apparent it's a BIG problem and you are stuck on it for several minutes. At which point, they will ask you what YOU are going to do about it.

I was quite tense about coming home and laying my cards on the table. Made for a very antsy drive home. WONDERWOMAN burst through the door, immediately on the defensive. I was about to seek out my prey when I spotted a sinkload of dishes desperately in need of attention. And you can't wash the dishes but skip wiping down the cupboards, table legs, light switches, front of the fridge, and man door. And once you've done all that, it would be plain silly to not bother with sweeping and spot-washi~ nay, MOPPING the floor...

As I detailed the kitchen, stopping just shy of polishing the light bulb in the back of the fridge, I rehearsed what I was going to say. I mustered up all the courage I could and bravely approached my husband. From Wonderwoman's lips comes this really meek and pathetic, "Umm... can I, uh, can I like, talk to you? I mean, you know... only if you have a minute, of course - we can talk later..." Then it was all over, and it wasn't so bad, really. Weird thing, I had NO idea how upsetting this particular issue was for me or how much energy it was sapping from me, and now so long as Bill follows through, well - let's just say it'll kill at least one of the white elephants dwelling in our home, which will then permit me and Billy to proceed with our kitchen renos.

In addition to sorting that out, I was given 3 other tasks.

First, I've been instructed to continue journalling. Considering the feedback I've gotten from my small but dedicated circle of friends (even the ones who read but never comment) I think there are a few people who may play along at home. I will share as much as I am comfortable.

Next. I love how therapists point out the obvious. "You're busy; you sound very tired." No sh*t Sherlock... my second task is to sleep more. "But sleep is for sissies," I protested, only half-joking. She just looked at me, smiling a vacant kind of smile like she hadn't heard me. "Get more sleep. Bed by 11." I am going to try ~very~ hard to be in bed by 11:00 each night for the next 2 weeks until I meet with her again. Barring babies being born (I'm on call for two - woo whoo!!!) and me having to change my sleeping schedule to accomodate that, I have no excuse for not being in bed at a decent hour. Really, in my rebellious little mind, I am only accomodating this request to prove her wrong - I WON'T have more energy, I WON'T be more relaxed, and I WON'T be any better off. Because I am, as I may have mentioned before, Wonderwoman. My final plea was, "Sleep is time wasted when you have a lot to accomplish." Her reply: "Maybe you need to accomplish less."

Which leads us to the last task. Relax, she says. "Make time, find something to do, by yourself, for yourself." Uh, yeah. Right. Hello? Married? 4 kids? 2 jobs? Doi! Besides, I don't do spa - it bores me and too many people touching me freaks me out anyways - pedicure? ick! I am not into going to the gym or shopping. "What is it that you like to do?" Take pictures. Again, Doi! I kind of already do a lot of that. And get PAID for it, to boot. And you want me to MAKE TIME? When? I barely have time to schedule a pee let alone have an uninterrupted hour to read... Besides, sleep is to sissiness as relaxation is to laziness. WONDERWOMAN is neither a sissy, nor lazy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The studio I had been using is no longer available and the hall never got back to me, so I had to host the workshops at my house yesterday. While I was working, rather late at night, rather tired, rather running out of time, I started getting really pissed off:

#1.) My house. With 6 people living in a bungalow with the square footage of a squirrel's arse, we are overflowing with stuff. For example: It's spring - everyone needs their winter coats and boots still, but fleece-lined rain coats and rubbers are better on warm melty days, and of course it's always handy to have a nice jacket or hoodie and light shoes for mostly indoor visits like the Muttart Conservatory. So. Multiply each coat and each pair by 6, and we are tripping over approximately 18 coats and 36 pieces of footwear each and every day. And that it a LOW estimate - I didn't even factor in all the splash pants, cycling jackets, hats, mitts, and helmets.

Then we each have our own personal stuff that for whatever reason doesn't ever manage to earn a permanent home. The boys have backpacks that just kind of live on the kitchen floor, and they have a tendency to leave a) laundry and b) dishes all over the place. I have a horrible habit of stashing my photography stuff wherever I find a clear spot of floor, since I use it so frequently it often isn't worth putting it down in the laundry room since it's just going to need to be hauled back up the stairs in another day or two - the suitcase of hats gets tucked beside the couch, the strobe lives beside the pole lamp in the living room, the camera bags and drapings hang out on the floor beside the couch...

My husband likes to leave bike parts and tools and little random bits and pieces of ??? laying around - spoke nipples, screws, nuts, bolts, chain rings. He *usually* leaves them in the cupboard, though I have found little piles of them in the pantry, in the cupboard, on the buffet and on the piano. The girls are horrible for leaving clothes and craft stuff everywhere. They change in and out of clothes and costumes, and when they paint or colour the crayons and brushes and glass of water will sit until the water has completely evaporated. And I won't even go into their beads and stickers. Not. Going. There. And also not going anywhere near the quantity of laundry we deal with every week.

Quite frankly, cleaning up our house is a daunting task. I hardly know where to begin. I find one pile of nuts and bolts, and do what, put them with the other pile of screws and spoke nipples? Great, so a big pile instead of two little piles. And why the hell am I picking up the painting gear? When they took the paints out in the first place, the girls couldn't even be bothered to close the door on the craft cupboard a whole 3 feet from where they are painting... And why can't the boys just get into the habit of putting their backpacks in their bedrooms? And I won't need my photography equipment between Monday and Friday so really it ~should~ get put away... But the fight and the nagging I'll have to do is more than I can stand so it just sits and does nothing, the whole stinkin' mess, and not a one of us seems to know how to manage all our stuff. About once every 3 months, Wonderwoman comes along and does a house-wide purge. Which lasts about a week before it looks like nothing has been done at all.

#2) My schedule. I always seem to be running. I've adopted the mantra, "Sleep is for sissies," in order to keep myself go, go, going. Despite my efforts to free up some time what I always end up doing is filling in the blanks. I wonder why I always fill in the blanks. So did my therapist. I wonder what will come out about that when I journal it? Anyways. I can handle the workload and time commitment associated with taking on 2-3 clients per week without interrupting my entire life. However, I cannot control when babies are born, I never know when I am going to get an 'emergency' call, I never know when something way too fun or interesting to pass up is going to come along, and so I say yes, yes, yes! until I am so overloaded (5-6 clients per week)that I am working my 8-hours at my day job, then another 4-5 hours a night at home. In order to spend time with my family, this 4-5 hours must be spent after 8 or 9 pm when supper has been made, homework has been done, showers have been taken, and bedtime stories have been read. Which puts me in bed at about 1- or 1:30 a.m., usually. If the phone happens to ring or I have a heavy email load to reply to or a scheduling conflict to resolve, bedtime usually gets pushed to 2:00 a.m. or later.

Then there are, of course, commitments with the children - birthday parties, sleepovers, swimming lessons, etc. that all need to be catered to. Four times over. This is no one's fault - it's part and parcel. I just get angry and feel lonely because I should be going to bed at the same time as Bill. We should be doing more stuff as a couple and as a family. We should, we should, we should... and I miss out. I know I do. When I get a little taste it's sweeter than life itself, and then back to the grind I go because at this point we've become accustomed to the extra income my photography brings in, affording us little luxuries we'd not otherwise be able to have.

My method of 'cleaning up' for the workshops was simple. I picked up ALL the clutter. ALL of it. From the kitchen cupboards, the top of the piano, the floor, the counters, the pantry - ALL of it, and put it into boxes and laundry boxes. Yes, the thought of doing ALL that de-cluttering in one sitting is daunting, especially if one is supposed to take it on alone. There are 8 boxes and laundry baskets of stuff we picked up. EIGHT. However, we're going to tackle the clutter one laundry basket at a time, as a family. If we sit down each night this week and empty out just ONE laundry basket per night, and even if we take the weekend and Wednesdays off, Wonderwoman will be able to report back to the therapist whether the clutter in her home and schedule was merely a metaphor for her cluttered mind, at which point she may have something more constructive to do by herself, for herself, than lie awake at night fretting over work left unfinished, feeling guilty and frustrated for not getting more accomplished. I figure if we manage to kick it with the laundry basket method, it could become a weekly ritual... And maybe with all that clutter gone, I'll be able to figure out what I'd like to do to relax.

Stay tuned.

Comments

fmartell2 said…
Cluttered mind = cluttered house
I have been living that for quite some time.
I hate the condition of my house so I tend to sit in one of 2 corners with my back turned on it all.
I have actually considered hiring a personal organizer to come in and help me.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could just pick up your house, shake it ALL out and only put back the stuff you wanted?
ticblog said…
Ah hahahaha!!!! YES!!! lol
Sweetie, I hear ya on the clutter... I actually have "booked into" my daytimer, April 12th & 13th to declutter and scrub down the entire house and garage.

I have no time either....

So I stand behind you and support you in your endeavors ! Good luck , you can do it !!!! Make sure your whole family sits down and discusses the plan and everyone making an effort to follow through and to keep it that way.

I am dealing with the same type of household members who enjoy "leaving it for me".

I am very proud of you !!
ticblog said…
Interesting choice of words, Tammy - why would you be 'proud' of me? lol

I swear, I just can't stop fantasizing about shaking out my house and putting back on the stuff I want, only in my fantasy, I get to use the power washer, too...
alphonsedamoose said…
Hope, you have to slow down and smell he roses. Stressing out about work and not getting enough rest is a sure recipe to a heart attack.Been there , done that.
I think most families these days are a lot like yours. So are a lot of people. Everything must be scheduled. I honestly don't believe that is healthy.
To be completely frank, I think you should ask yourself if the extra money and stress is worth the price of the things you are missing out on. Just a thought.
ticblog said…
Aye, there's the rub, Moose. It isn't about the money. I know we could live without the money. It's about taking pictures. It's about being creatively challenged on an ongoing basis, it's about the friendships and the process and ALL of it. Christ, if it was really about the money I would charging a hell of a lot more than I do.

You have to remember that my day job involves entering data and looking at spreadsheets and reports and other such nonsense. I *do* enjoy what I do - it tickles my analytical math-y side - but it's about as intrinsically fulfilling as pumping gas.

The irony in the whole thing is, the ONE thing that brings me intense pleasure, each and every time I engage, is the only thing everyone keeps telling me to let go of.
fmartell2 said…
Telling you to stop taking pictures is like asking you to stop breathing.
Do you think you could do without the day job?
Tanya said…
Darn google lost my original reply. I'll keep this one short and simple good luck and take care of yourself Wonderwoman! ;-)
Kate said…
Do you hope to, one day, use photography as a 'full time' thing? I don't know that I've ever asked you that question... just curious.
I am proud of you because you are taking steps to make your life easier....
ticblog said…
Could I make sufficient income? Probably. Do I want to? No. For one, when you're self-employed the retirement plan sucks. Number 2, when we were financially dependent I hated it. I HAD to go take pictures, and it took all the catharsis out of it for me.
kate said…
I had a feeling your response would be something along those lines. Just wondered.
Carol Kerfoot said…
OK lets face it...

Something has to give.

The kids stay
The husband stays
(which means the house clutter is bound to stay which includes moving the house clutter around in a desperate fight to clean up ( I know I do it every day))
The photography stays because that is your passion
The data entry is ...ok right? So is it possible you could find something that is similar but less days a week? or less hours a day?

Just an idea. I work very part time to barely make ends meet. My thoughts are that when the kids are all in school I will work more hours but still not fulltime as I see that I will still have about threehundredandfiftybillion other things to still get done during the day and heck I dont even cook!

Ask yourself what are you willing to sacrifice? It could be a tough question but like the big ol moose said...too much is a recipe for disaster.

I also must comment that in point number one you described me exactly. The minute I walk in the door, before I even take off my shoes I have cleaned half the house.
ticblog said…
Well, for what it's worth, I don't think I have to actually give anything up. And it's not a 'scheduling' thing as far as I can see, either - more than anything it's a case of learning moderation. Bite sized pieces, kind of like the whole laundry basket idea. Maybe I can't do all of it at one time (though I've sure as hell been trying lol) but if I pick and choose, then I fare better chance at success, with my sanity intact...
Carol Kerfoot said…
OK fair enough but I just really dont know how anyone works full time at home, full time at an outside profession and has time to sink themselves into a passion ( or parttime job) on top of the whole thing with out shriveling up and dying. And I know there are plenty of Moms out there doing it....

I guess I just dont have the same OOOOMPH. :)
Babzy said…
I don't recommend laundry baskets. My blue laundry basket full of crap is still sitting here full of crap two years later. HA

I didn't feel all that comfortable with my shrink at first. I'm still not comfortable but one thing for sure is she has helped me more with a few words than anyone or anything else has.

If you revealed to us why you're seeking therapy, I have forgotten the reason. Still I support you and hope you find what you're looking for. I'm saving all my advice for my own post.
Cathy said…
Frig...how did I miss this post??????

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