soft, ordinary underbelly
American Beauty tops the list of my all-time favourite movies. Often, randomly throughout the day, I am reminded of this movie - it resonates with me on so many levels I can't even begin to unravel it. Blog du Babzy today reminded me of this movie, as she is trying to close the door on a self-described toxic relationship without hurting the guy.
I tried unsuccessfully to find a youtube clip of the scene where Angela says, "There's nothing worse than being ordinary...." and then later when Ricky Fitts tells her she's boring and ordinary. Ricky also taps into this ability to exploit a person's worst fear when he tells his homophobic father that he's been prostituting himself out to Lester Burnham for cash.
For the most part I'm pretty good at reading people and figuring out what makes them 'tick' which usually works to my benefit as tapping into it allows me to be very diplomatic and persuasive, and sensitive to the emotional needs of those around me, but it's a double edged sword and sometimes this ability becomes an instrument of torture.
I was explaining to Babzy that I prefer going into my cone of silence and avoiding confrontation because when cornered I have this tendency to hone in, with cruel accuracy, on the soft spot of the other person, easily picking up on and using the deepest recognizable insecurity against the person who won't get out of my face. It's difficult to control and I really have little or no warning when I am about to snap, when I cross over that line between, "No, really, I just have to go, please don't pressure me," and something that once said, I'll regret forever.
I have a rather unimpressive roster of nasty things I've said to people who wouldn't leave me alone, mostly guys I didn't want to date or continue to date, ranging from diminutive penis or breast size, to low social status or income, to level of education or talent. And then some. Weight, speech impediment, physical deformity - it's all fair game when I'm in fight or flight mode. Whether I believe the horrible things I say are true or not is irrelevant - the point is to sting and repel. Of course, this is highly effective when I want someone to go away forever. Unfortunately, when I'm feeling cornered and need some space, I sometimes get more space than I want because it's impossible to un-speak my venom.
I'm not proud of this ability. In fact, I dislike it very much. It's very passive-aggresive. It's the evil side of being intuitive.
I tried unsuccessfully to find a youtube clip of the scene where Angela says, "There's nothing worse than being ordinary...." and then later when Ricky Fitts tells her she's boring and ordinary. Ricky also taps into this ability to exploit a person's worst fear when he tells his homophobic father that he's been prostituting himself out to Lester Burnham for cash.
For the most part I'm pretty good at reading people and figuring out what makes them 'tick' which usually works to my benefit as tapping into it allows me to be very diplomatic and persuasive, and sensitive to the emotional needs of those around me, but it's a double edged sword and sometimes this ability becomes an instrument of torture.
I was explaining to Babzy that I prefer going into my cone of silence and avoiding confrontation because when cornered I have this tendency to hone in, with cruel accuracy, on the soft spot of the other person, easily picking up on and using the deepest recognizable insecurity against the person who won't get out of my face. It's difficult to control and I really have little or no warning when I am about to snap, when I cross over that line between, "No, really, I just have to go, please don't pressure me," and something that once said, I'll regret forever.
I have a rather unimpressive roster of nasty things I've said to people who wouldn't leave me alone, mostly guys I didn't want to date or continue to date, ranging from diminutive penis or breast size, to low social status or income, to level of education or talent. And then some. Weight, speech impediment, physical deformity - it's all fair game when I'm in fight or flight mode. Whether I believe the horrible things I say are true or not is irrelevant - the point is to sting and repel. Of course, this is highly effective when I want someone to go away forever. Unfortunately, when I'm feeling cornered and need some space, I sometimes get more space than I want because it's impossible to un-speak my venom.
I'm not proud of this ability. In fact, I dislike it very much. It's very passive-aggresive. It's the evil side of being intuitive.
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